27 March 2021
Today, River learned he can cheat the system by putting his head down during tummy time. Such a slacker!
The Magic of Spring
March 23
There’s something magical about the first warm spring day of the year. It ignites an excitement for the long sunny days the months ahead have in store. This year’s anticipation is even more sweet knowing that River is going to experience for the first time all the joys that spring and summer promise.
22 March 2021
Sleeping Like a Baby
21 March 2021
River is still working on mastering his naps, so we spent the weekend prioritizing this. Today it’s been almost two weeks since we started sleep training, but really only one week since we let River fall asleep by himself for naps.
Nights have been better than we thought they could be! He’s gone from waking 5 or 6 times for milk during the night to 1 or 2 times. He’s gone from sleeping 8-10 hours a night to sleeping an average of 11 hours a night. The bonus is that when we put him down for the night, he puts himself to sleep within 10-15 minutes with very little fussing.
Naps are still a work in progress. We are trying to teach him to connect his sleep cycles. River’s sleep cycles are about 30 minutes long, which is pretty average for a baby. We’ve learned through our research that an adult’s sleep cycle is about 90 minutes long. We wake up, but are able to put ourselves right back to sleep and usually don’t remember waking at all. Babies, however, haven’t learned to put themselves to sleep between their sleep cycles, so they wake up after 30 minute and cry because they’re still tired. They’re able to do it more easily at night because of the increased level of melatonin produced in the evenings.
We’ve read that the trick for naps is to leave the baby in their crib until they calm down and realize that they can put themselves back to sleep. We can see River trying to do this. He will put his head to the side, close his eyes, wait a few moments, and then start yelling in frustration because it didn’t work right away. However, his periods of calm have lengthened, so we are keeping our fingers crossed he figures it out soon.
Although we didn’t have much time to do anything special this weekend, we did take a short walk around the block between each nap, and spent plenty of time playing as well. River had a great weekend with both of his parents home, and he’s determined to work extra hard this week on mastering these naps!
20 March 2021
The Golden Age of Babyhood
19 March 2021
We read somewhere that months 4-6 are considered the “Golden Age” of babyhood, and I can see why. River’s personality is starting to reveal itself. He is curious, happy, and loving. He wants to look at everything, touch everything, and put everything in his mouth. He has smiles for days! He showers us with smiles, and more recently- giggles!, all day long. These smiles make up for all of the worry, exhaustion, and stress we experienced the first few months of parenthood. And because he’s smiling all day long, we can’t help but be smiling all day long, too! He’s also a little snuggle-bug. He loves to sit on our laps and cuddle. His favorite thing to do while sitting with one parent- watch the other parent! He always seems to be studying us, whatever we’re doing, and what he sees fills him with joy and fascination. Brushing your teeth? Amazing! Eating a salad? Captivating! We are loving this age, and can’t wait to see what the next couple months bring!
These Socks were Made for Walking
18 March 2021
Every day, River is hard at work becoming a stronger baby. Some days he doesn’t mind tummy time, some days he doesn’t love it. But he always loves “walking”!
Happy St. Patty’s Day
17 March 2021
Every holiday since he was born, River receives a special treat from his Great Aunt Marca. We love these little surprises, and we know River will, too, one day. And I think he makes an adorable leprechaun!
This Saint Patrick’s Day, Bud had virtual parent-teacher conferences scheduled from 6pm-8pm. On his way home from work, he picked up corned beef and cabbage take-out. We ate with River, passing him back and forth from lap to lap. Then we took a little walk around the neighborhood. It was a little chilly, but River wanted to face out so he could take in all the sights. After our walk, we still had a little time before Bud’s conferences, so we did River’s favorite activity- listening to music! Bud played River a little guitar, they had a little quality time, and then it was bedtime for Mr. River and meetings for Daddy. Bud held his meetings in our tiny bathroom since River was asleep in his crib, and our apartment does not offer any other options. It was the bathroom or the car. River slept through the meetings, and afterwards, Bud and I enjoyed the leftover corned beef and cabbage and had some time to catch up before the day’s end. All in all, it was quite a day St. Patrick’s Day.
Greeting the Sunrise
16 March 2021
Every morning when River wakes up, usually somewhere around 6:30am, Bud brings him directly outside to show him the daybreak. This is one of my favorite traditions, and one that I hope continues for years to come.
Driving Mr. Baby
15 March 2021
When Daddy got home from work today, Mom said she felt like she needed to get out of the apartment. We decided to take a drive because it was too cold to walk. This sounded just fine with me; I’m doing okay in my car seat now. I still cry sometimes, but for the most part, I’ve learned to relax and enjoy the scenery when we’re in the car. Dad made some tea for both himself and Mom. He didn’t make any for me, which I think is a little rude, but Daddy sat in the back and entertained me while Mommy drove, so I forgave him. We drove to a place called “the ocean,” which I had never seen before. The drive was a little bumpy down a little road to Gooseberry Island. I kind of like the bumps, so I decided I’d seen enough of this “ocean,” and I could use a nap.
Once home again, I spent some time cuddling with Daddy and then practicing my walking skills with Mommy. Mom and Dad say I have super strong legs. They barely have to balance me, and I will stand on my legs for minutes at a time. They think this will make me a great hiker one day. I don't understand why I’d need strong legs for hiking. When we go hiking, I just relax in the carrier while Mom and Dad do all the walking. I don’t see why that should ever need to change.
River Loves Music
14 March 2021
River loves music. Bud has been playing music for River since before he was born. He seems to have his favorites, top among them being Charlie Cunningham. We were listening to Charlie Cunningham quite a bit while I was pregnant. Since River was born, these same songs seem to calm him when he is upset. Could it be that he heard these songs in the womb and because of this, now finds solace in them months later? We have used Cunningham to calm River while he’s upset on a car ride, sending him into a peaceful sleep. We play Charlie Cunningham in the tub before bed to soothe him. Bud will also play jazz and classical, which he also seems to enjoy, quietly listening.
There is one genre of music that River loves more than the indie-folk stylings of Cunningham, and that is Daddy-Music. River is fascinated by Bud’s guitar playing and singing. There is nothing that will hold his attention more undividedly than Bud playing guitar. When we first started sleep training and River hadn’t slept all day, Bud came home and played for him in his crib. He calmed right down and finally fell asleep. Interestingly, River seems to most love when Bud plays Everclear, music that Bud regularly played for him while he was in the womb.
I love that our baby seems so mesmerized by music. I feel like it’s very likely he will one day be musical himself. Bud has already bought him a little xylophone, and plans to get him a toddler guitar when he’s old enough. I look forward to watching those two rock out together some day. For now, I’ll continue to enjoy the sweet, serene look that comes over River when he listens to his Daddy play.
13 March 2021
Today, Bud commented on how much River has changed so quickly: “I miss the runt with the dry skin that I could hold in one hand.” We do miss the old River, the squishy, quiet little newborn. But we really love this new River, with his eyes ever wide to take in every little detail of the world. We love watching this little pumpkin grow and change.
Day 4 Sleep Training: Muffler Mods are Dumb
12 March 2021
We live on the noisiest street in the country. Okay, probably not. However, we live on route 6. And we live next to Lou’s Muffler, a shop notorious for modifying car mufflers so they sound like you don’t have a muffler. Why is this even a thing? After people get their cars modified, they like to show off their new annoying ability by loudly roaring out of the parking lot and right by our bedroom window, behind which our little baby is trying to learn to sleep. A small part of me wants to burn this business to the ground.
On the bright side, it was a beautiful day outside, and between naps, River and I spent some time outside soaking in the sunshine
Pro tip: Use petroleum jelly on door hinges so they don’t creak when you open and close doors while your baby is sleeping.
Day 3 Sleep Training: A Long Nap in the Stroller
11 March 2021
One negative to people my age having kids, the creaking of our joints wake them up.
Sleep training continues. Ugh. We continued to do some “check ins” to soothe River, adhering to Dr. C.’s advise, but also not wanting to allow River to cry for minutes on end. Today, River slept 45 minutes for his first nap. He did not fall asleep for his second nap, so I decided to take him for a walk. He fell asleep after twenty minutes in the stroller. I am not yet comfortable walking down busy Route 6 alone with River, and I am not comfortable walking down the street parallel to ours because of the loose dogs. However, I was so happy that River was sleeping that I kept walking. I walked two more hours after he fell asleep up and down our block. Our neighbors must think I’m a little strange. But at least River finally got a nice long nap in. After he had been asleep two hours, he popped awake like he knew the time. He seemed very confused, but he also seemed well-rested after a good nap. Finally.
Pro tip: In between nap check ins, scrub the bathtub. There's something about cleaning that makes the wait between check ins a little easier, and there's something about scrubbing that is cathartic.
Day 2 of Sleep Training: Sleepy Zombie Baby
10 March 2021
I woke with trepidation. Another day of sleep training; another day of hope and guilt. River’s first two naps of the day were failures. I used more of a Ferber-style method today, going in periodically to provide River with comfort. After the second nap attempt, when I finally went to pull River from his crib, he smiled up at me with red, swollen, zombie eyes. I felt like the worst mom ever. This poor baby was exhausted, and all he wanted was for me to help him sleep.
Bud took a partial personal day to modify our bedroom to be a sleep training sensory deprivation chamber. It is now dark, as quiet as it can be while living on route 6, and the perfect sanctuary for our little sleeper-in-training.
Even though I had been given this plan by my pediatrician…Even though I had been reassured by the nurse at the pedi’s office...Even though the nurse had text me a two page document all about sleep training, we still scheduled a virtual appointment with our pediatrician that night. I need confirmation that I was not traumatizing my son, and that this was, in fact, for his own good. We were losing our resolve.
That night, we met with Dr. C. for a virtual meeting at 7pm, after River’s bath. Dr. C was River’s first doctor. She came to check on him at the hospital. For River’s first few appointments after that, we were given a different doctor, but we missed Dr. C. She was warm, informative, down-to-earth. We really like and respect her. So it was very reassuring when she informed us we were doing everything right. She did advise, however, that we may want to cut down on the “check ins.” She stated this only “resets” the baby, and she believes that letting River learn without our help is more beneficial.
During our call, River was getting very sleepy. Bud left the meeting to go and lay River in his crib. Several minutes after Bud’s return to the call, we saw something beautiful; River had fallen asleep, within minutes, on his own! We were jubilant! Bud joyfully held the monitor to the computer screen for Dr. C. to see. That night, River slept ten hours with only two wake-ups. This is the most uninterrupted sleep he has ever achieved.
Day 1 of Sleep Training: Sleep Training is the Worst!
9 March 2021
We never thought we’d sleep train. We assumed we would let River sleep in constant contact with one of us until he was mature enough to sleep on his own. However, after meeting with our pediatrician, we are convinced (at least most of the time) that it is the right thing to do for River.
Sleep training is complicated. There are different types: Ferber, Pick-up Put-Down, Extinction (what an awful name!). There is so much jargon: wake windows, nap extensions, crib hour. More than just being complex, it is extremely emotionally taxing. I started today with River’s naps. I put on some white noise, sang him a song, gave him a kiss, and told him it was sleepy time. There was an awful lot of crying, on my River’s part and mine. In the end, there was far more crying than there was napping.
I asked Bud to call the pediatrician’s office on his way home from work. I wanted reassurance that what I was doing was right. It felt awful. A nurse assured Bud that we were following the instructions, and told him she would send a note to our doctor to contact us. When Bud got home from work, he played guitar for River in his crib, which finally helped him to take a 30 minute nap.
However terrible his naps were, his night sleep was much better. Until this point, River was accustomed to going to bed somewhere between 6:30- 7:30 every night with me (which meant I also went to bed between 6:30- 7:30). Tonight, I stayed in the room with him and held his hand. He eventually fell asleep with no crying. He slept off and on that first night. It wasn’t great sleep, but at least he was learning to “self-soothe.”
River’s 4 Month Check Up
8 March 2021
River went to his pediatrician today. First, we learned that River has finally reached average weight after being slightly below average at every previous appointment. He is now 16 pounds, 3 ounces. He is also slightly longer than average at 25 ¾ inches. Our pediatrician had a lot of notes for us: we should be taking River for a daily walk. He should be drinking from a bottle once a day. I should create a daily schedule for us that we stick to.
Dr. C. also told us something that changed the way we do things drastically. She said that River is not getting adequate sleep if he’s sleeping with us or on my lap. It’s true that when he’s near me, he wakes frequently to drink. I’ve noticed this past week, he’s been waking more frequently during the night, sometimes every thirty minutes. The longest stretch he would get overnight is three hours, and that will occur only once a night, at most. However, I assumed that River’s waking was normal. I hadn’t yet come to mind the frequent feedings; in fact, I really enjoyed them. And I didn’t mind him sleeping on my lap for hours a day. I enjoyed the quiet, peaceful cuddles.
But, ultimately, it’s not about what I enjoy; it’s about what is best for our son. And as much as I thought what we were doing was best, I also respect and trust our pediatrician. She advised that we start sleep training right away, that he is at the perfect age. We decided to start the very next day, both apprehensive and hopeful.
Ride, Carry, Cuddle
7 March 2021
Today, River took his first ride in his Bumbleride running stroller. Bud ordered a warm winter muff for it so we could bring River out in the cooler temps. We made it about halfway through our intended walk before he decided he had, had enough and started to cry. But he calmed right down when his Daddy carried him the rest of the way back to the car.
Later, River had another treat: a visit from Pop Pop. He cuddled on Pop Pop’s lap while the grown-ups sipped tea and chatted. River ended his day with two of his favorite things: a warm bath and some milk.
Hanging with Memere and Pepere
6 March 2021
Tummy Time Pro
5 March 2021
I had never heard of “tummy time” before we had a baby. Because babies are now supposed to sleep on their backs until they’re able to roll over on their own, they need to build their back and neck muscles in other ways. Bud started doing tummy time with River when he was just a few days old. He would lay River on his chest. Eventually, we started doing tummy on blankets. River was never a big fan. It was a struggle for him to just lift his little head an inch off the ground. Now he will happily stay on his belly, pushing himself up on his arms, for ten minutes or more. He is able to crinkle the blankets in front of him and roll back over onto his back (although he hasn’t quite perfected this). Recently, he’s been flailing his legs about wildly during tummy time. I think he’s trying to propel himself forward. He’ll be crawling in no time! I can’t even imagine!
River’s Whole New World
4 March 2021
Month four has proved to bring the biggest changes in River. Every day brings surprise and awe for all three of us. It seems like overnight, River has become hyper-aware of the world. He wants to be carried face out in his carrier. He wants to look at everything on a walk or on an errand. He struggles to eat or drink because he seems to think he’s missing out on something, especially if Bud is home from work. He can’t focus on eating because Bud might be doing something fascinating that River needs to study, eyes wide, mouth open. When I prep food during the day, I put River in his Baby Bjorn carrier and he watches as I wash, chop, and stir, our meals just barely escaping the rivulets of drool streaming from his open mouth.
Sleep used to be easy. Against best advice, I do what is easiest and River nurses to sleep, naps on my lap, and sleeps next to me in bed. But come month four, sleep is evasive. As soon as he catches himself drifting off, he shakes it off and worriedly looks around the apartment to ensure he hasn’t missed anything exciting.
He is literally developing a new skill a day. One day, I look down to see him kicking his toys in his play gym with his feet. The next he’s knocking the ball dangling above his head like he’s a tether-ball champion. The next, he’s grasping the dangling ring. And still the next, he’s grasping a toy with both hands, moving it to and from his mouth with ease. He has been working on the “k” sound, repeating it back to us and smiling with all-encompassing joy when we make the sound back. He has learned to use a deeper voice, and intones constantly, in love with his new voice, equally in the afternoon as during a 3am feeding. Just yesterday, I put him down for some tummy time before bed, and the little athlete lifted himself all the way up into a push-up, like he’s been doing it for his whole life! I had time only to call for Bud to come see, but not enough time to capture this amazing feet on camera. But I’m sure now that he’s done it, it will become a regular occurrence.
He has also discovered his legs, feet, and fingertips. He now loves to hold his legs up and examine his toes. He feels everything with his fingertips- Bud’s beard, the book I’m reading him, his own hands. He scratches the rocking chair as he eats.
If there has been one week in his entire short life in which he has developed the most, it is this past week. Who knew parenting could be this exciting? We can’t wait to see what other achievements this little over-achiever has in store for us over the next week, month, year.
River has discovered his legs and feet!
3 March 2021
River loves his Daddy
2 March 2021
I was under the impression that babies love their mommies most, being that we are the ones who carried them in our wombs, birthed them, and nurse them with our own milk. Isn’t it only natural? But River is an anomaly. He is obsessed. When his Daddy comes home from work, he no longer has eyes for Mommy. He watches Bud’s every move. He wants to see everything he’s doing. From changing out of his work clothes, to making a cup of coffee, River wants to be a part of it. I expected this eventually. A boy will want to emulate a male role model after all, and Bud is a darn good one. I just thought I would be the favorite for a little longer. It’s okay, though; they’re still both my favorites.
River’s Neighborhood
1 March 2021
Our neighborhood is a bit quirky. We live behind a gun shop. Our regular walking route includes a dicey stretch along route 6 with no sidewalk, where cars speed by without any compulsion to move to the farther lane. It’s adorned with several abandoned homes, an elementary school where we took River to vote when he was only a week old, and a graffitied skatepark and playground. We carry pepper spray due to the number of dogs off leash in their yards, one unfriendly one of which followed me a ways one day while walking alone with River until I sternly ordered him to “Go home!”
But River couldn't care less about these quirks. He’s gotten to an age where he is very interested in his surroundings, and he enjoys our short jaunts after dinner. He loves looking at the homes we pass, the trees, the cars. To him, our neighborhood is not run down but newly fascinating. I don't know how long we will live here, but this will always be River’s first home, and if he remembers it at all, I'm sure he’ll remember fondly. I know we will.
