Highs and Lows

23 May 2021
For me, this weekend was like a canyon. It started out well, with the weekend perfectly planned, quickly progressed to a low point, before ending high again. This weekend, we planned to go camping and hiking, staying close to home in Westport. My expectations, although I tried to keep them low, kept creeping up; I was super excited about camping at the beach at Horseneck State Reservation. This was the first campground Bud and I had stayed at when Bud bought me our first tent as a gift years ago. It was that gift and that camping trip that led to the lifestyle that we adopted and sustained for years. And here we were, back again at the same campground, the same camp site, even, that had such an impact on Bud and me. 

We arrived, checked in, and I noted that it was more cramped, more noisy than I remembered. This is typical for a beach campground, as far as our experiences have gone, but I hadn’t really taken into consideration how the noise would affect River. We put River on his blanket and set up camp. River, moving with a surprising facility by rolling and pivoting, continually had to be moved back to the center of the blanket, as he had set a goal of finding and eating the dirt and grass just beyond the edges of his blanket. Thankfully, there were no biting insects, the day was cool, and he was comfortable to play independently for a bit. 

After camp was established, we took River for a walk to the water. This was another activity that Bud and I did on our first trip. Then, I remember the tide was low, and there was empty beach spread out in front of us, the sunrise layers of pastels as Bud and I skipped rocks in the calm, flat water. This time, the tide was high, and there wasn’t much beach to be seen. River was tired, and didn’t seem to be as excited about seeing the ocean as I had envisioned. 

We walked River back to camp, and it was time. Bed time. River was falling asleep during our walk, so he was clearly very sleepy. Again, I tried to keep my expectations low, but I couldn’t help thinking of our first successful camping trip with him at George Washington State Campground, where he had fallen asleep independently in minutes after I laid him down in the tent. I did all the same things I had done the first trip, but River’s response to being left in the tent was not the same as the first time. For hours, I tried everything I could think of to get him to sleep. I left him alone, I went in and comforted him, I tried laying next to him, I changed his jammies. No luck. Meanwhile, Bud was preemptively packing up camp. When I called to him and asked what he was doing, he told me camp was packed and we could throw in the towel whenever I said the word. I didn’t know what to do. That’s one thing I’ve learned as a parent. Sometimes, you just don’t know what the right decision is, and you just have to pick one and go with it. So, it being way past River’s bedtime, we hastily threw our tent in the Pilot, gave away our firewood, and hightailed it back to our apartment where River fell asleep in his crib in minutes. This constituted the low point of our weekend. That night, we discussed what this meant. What if we had been backpacking? Would we have hiked back to the car and driven home? What if we were far from home? Would we have driven to a hotel? What does this mean for our summer backpacking plans? 

The next day, River slept in until 7am, something he has never done. We decided to continue with our plans and hike. Our chosen spot was Herb Hadfield Conservation Area, a set of trails Bud had previously driven past and made note of, but that we hadn’t hiked yet. The day was going to be the hottest of the year so far, with a high of 86 degrees, so we packed some snacks and got an early start. The trail turned out to be beautiful. There were green fields, well-maintained trails, and the day was filled with the singing of birds. River was happy to ride in his carrier, and to play on his blanket when we took a break. He took a nap while we walked. Although the day was hot, it was still comfortable. After we finished the hike, we went for coffee down the street, trying a new shop that Bud had found. Across from the coffee shop was a pond and a picnic area. We sat under the shade of a tree, split a bagel sandwich, and enjoyed our coffees while River played in front of us. It was a perfect day. It was the high point of my metaphorical canyon.

We still don’t know what River’s lack of sleep means for our future of backpacking and camping this summer. But I do know that with a baby, we need to release our expectations and just try to enjoy whatever experiences we do get with River. Although the weekend wasn’t exactly what we had planned, it was perfect.

Slocum River Day Hike

Dartmouth, MA

15 May 2021

Daddy and Riv’s Big Adventure

Once again, I had a hair appointment. This was my second hair appointment since River was born, and the longest I’ve had to be away from River has been for these two appointments. Of course, Bud and I are equal parents. However, I am the more anxious parent, so I get super nervous when I have to leave River. I’m sure it’s totally natural to feel this way. It’s also clearly unnecessary. River and Daddy had another fun time while I was away, and River experienced a couple “firsts” as well.